Some advice, because looking around me, and listening, a lot of people seem to be forgetting this so I'm here to remind you, maybe we're too wrapped up in ourselves that we forget to see others and how we affect them so I'll make you a quick note for this. Please, take heed.

Please, before you do anything, or when you do anything, think about how the other person feels or would feel. It seems easy, straightforward and obvious, but you've no idea how many people fail to do this, and you mightn't even realise what you're doing.

I find that very often that when someone is making a decision for someone's 'own good' or 'betterment' they forget about how the other person will feel about this and make decisions on what they either must do or can or can't handle without even consulting them. To you it may seem as though you are simply being helpful, protective, saving a person heartache or whatever, but usually you just end up causing way more than would have been caused if you just let it be.

We should be there to catch people when they fall, not stopping them from take the risk because of fear they might not fly or wrapping them in cotton wool. We often say and do things without thinking, how would I feel if that was me? How does this look to the other person? If I was the other person what would I want? Is this fair for both of us? Do they want this? Should we discuss this? etcetera, etcetera.

In decisions- particularly ones which are supposedly for a greater good, these questions aren't thoroughly considered and they look at how it is from their own perspective but not from the other persons. They think they've considered the other person, and yes, they have, but only from their own point of view and not directly from the other persons. At the end of the day, when we make such decisions for people, it's to stop the pain, right? It's to stop them from getting hurt or from something bad happening? But it ends up that what you do to prevent it ends up being that bad, painful thing, and they end up more screwed than they would of been previously. I've seen it happen, I've experienced it myself and it's not nice, if a decision affects you, it's only fair you play a part in that decision, no?

Like they say 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions' and that is a prime example of how you try and be kind but end up being everything but that.

So, don't be horrible, don't be an arsehole, think of others, always with everything you do because you don't know how you'll affect another person. Little things make a big difference, and even if it's seriously not that major to you, you don't know if that little thing would push someone over the edge, or start a downward spiral, and actually, in my opinion, there is no 'little thing', it all counts. Particularly if that person is important to you, well, that's when the little things matter the most.

Don't make people hurt, please. As I always say, and as I'm sure you know, the world has enough pain, we don't have to add to it, we need to add to what is lacking in the world which is love. And if you've done something like this thinking it's out of love but in hindsight, what it causes is in fact not the best outcome, and not loving, then perhaps you ought to remedy the situation and restore the equilibrium, along with the other persons (and your) peace of mind and happiness.

It's never as hard or as non-straight forward as you think. We just tend to analyse things all the time and make problems that aren't actually there. My advice (part II) is, do everything that you would do if you weren't scared.

Take care of yourself, and BE KIND

Love you!

-Dalanda :o) xxxx