What is it? Like really, what are those feelings? Those invisible hands that can grip the core of your very being and control you like a little puppeteer.... those feelings that stop you from performing at your best when it matters the most.
Why? Why is it so hard to let go of all of these feelings? Because really, that's all they are, feelings, they don't change anything but you, they make you feel sick, they make it so that you can't sleep at night and you're nervous, agitated, irritated, ill at ease. It's only us and the poor people around us that will suffer, so why do we do it to ourselves?
In the end, what's it for, all these worries and stresses? I mean, one worries when something is of huge importance, but the problem is, unless you can stop that fear, stress, or anxiety and turn it into adrenalin, it WILL control your life and take away what you want most.
What's stopping us from saying fuck it, and doing what we've always wanted to do and saying what we always wanted to say, (lest we be judged)? Ourselves of course.
This constant persuit of perfectionism, this constant fear of either being judged or not being good enough. Unfortunatley, I like many people fall victim to these emotions and honestly, I'm feeling these emotions now as I type this. There is always a deep rooted fear of inadequacy, not necessarily always in oneself, but in what one can do, and if you can't believe in yourself, who will? If you don't have anyone behind you supporting you, what's there to stop you from falling?
You. But the problem is, it's so hard to love ourselves or to fully believe in ourselves, for various reasons, maybe you've lost your confidence, you've constantly been told you're not good enough and because of this you're scared. Scared that whatever you do will just prove them right, scared they'll laugh, scared that you will ruin your own life because you're not good enough, clever enough, hard working enough or whatever.
All of these fears and social pressure can (and have) ruined people's lives, and when you think about it, it all boils down to a few words soemone said to you, you caring too much of what someone will of you, you just not believing you can make it or you just wanting to be 'perfect'. Because of this, those familiar hands creep back up and wrap their cold fingers around you and stop you from either being or believing what you truly are- amazing.
It's not fair that we have to deal will all of these emotions and pressures with exams, work deadlines, or even something like going to a new place, meeting new people, talking to that person you want to but in the end, fuck it. Fuck those feelings. Would you not spend the rest of your life kicking yourself if you let those feelings and emotions get in the way of what, where or who you wanted the most in life?
Opportunities unfortunatley don't last forever, and so when you get the chance, you've really got to make it count or otherwise you'll spend your life thinking of all of the things you could of done, should of done, would have done better. Honestly, it's some peoples natures, some people are perfectionists and they'll beat themselves up because instead of focussing on all of the good things they've said and done, they'll see that ONE thing that's not exactly how they want it, or that word they shouldn't have used etc.
If I can share a little secret with you, honestly, I always think I can do better. I'm never satisfied with what I do and it's a horrible feeling. If I do something and people go up to me afterwards and go 'Hey Dalanda, that was great' or 'Dalanda that was really nice' or 'Good job Dee' I'll never believe them, I'll always have the inner turmoil and dissatifaction of that ONE thing I did wrong or I'll just think they're being politle and they don't mean it, and it's a stupid, stupid way to live.
In the end, these emotions, will ruin us if we let them. Really, what's the worse that could happen? If you fail/it doesn't go to plan, well then it wasn't meant to be, you can try again next time or chose another plan. Everything happens for a reason, and if something doesn't work out, it's for a reason not because God or some other higher force is trying to spite you. There is most certainly fate, and if something is meant to happen, it will, just follow your gut feelings, it will guide you to the right path as long as you don't sit back and do nothing, one must be active in seeking their fate because the opportuinity will be there, you just have to act on it.
Try to relax and take it easy, if a couple things don't go right it's not the end of the world, people probably wouldn't even notice and you'll feel better if you just let go, relax and let some things just happen by themselves- you doesn't need to control everything because it will drive you insane. Not everything goes right, but that's the fun of it! You can laugh about it and make memories of that day you went to give a speech and fell over or something like that. Just try your best, so even if the outcome isn't amazing, at least you know you've tried, if you've tried you have no reason to regret. And lastly, 'If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.'
Till next time,
Love,
Dalanda :-) xxx
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