It's weird, I had a flashback to my old history teacher who was kind, fashionable and a really good teacher. History was one of my favourite lessons, and I still remember some of the things she taught us. I don't think of her often, but it was weird she popped into my head a couple of days ago.
I thought nothing of it, but today my brother handed me a notebook he found that I bought in 2009 and hadn't seen since 2011. I flicked through it and found this:
That's from my old history teacher, and she would have written that in 2011 when I was leaving secondary school.
I feel like I really needed to see this because particularly this year I feel like I've reverted back to the shy quiet girl- even if it's mainly internal. I didn't mean to, it just happened with how things went this year and I'm not sure I even realised fully till I saw this. When I'm not feeling good, or I'm feeling vulnerable and scared as we all do, I retreat back into myself because I don't really know how to deal with it and that's something I need to work on this year.
I want to feel better and happier this year, it's not going to be easy but it's something I actively have to seek to try and change. I have to not take bad things that happen personally and find strength from somewhere to overcome the pain it's caused me. I don't know how I'm going to do this, but I do know I can't control the shit that may be flung at me so I have to just try and deal with it better.
I also mainly need to be careful of the company I keep- I've made some fantastic friends is year and lost some too. I can control this better than I can control my natural response to things so it's another important theme for me. I also want to appreciate the people in my life and make them know how special they are to me- I already do this but there's no harm in doing it even more and extending the love I have.
Honestly, I don't know if I'll even survive all of next year but I'll just hope for the best and take each day as it comes. If I die, I don't want it to be with any pain in my heart so I'm going to try and not feel like shit when I can help it.
All these things are easier said than done, and I just hope I have the strength to complete it and maybe get better, and feel better.
I pray that this new year you find ways to be a better you, and leave the unhelpful aspects of your life and yourselves behind in last year. It's never too late to be who and what you want to be- time is precious and a good time to start is always now. Believe in yourselves like I believe in you, keep smiling, spreading love, positive messages and doing the right things. If you live life like this, you'll attract good things and the right people- or repel the wrong people from you.
Congratulations on surviving another crazy year, many didn't get that privilege so I hope you're all grateful for your lives. Where there is life there is hope. Even if life feels like life is more of a curse than a blessing, you can change that because everything is perspective.
Unfortunately for many, it takes a horrible experience or seeing something crazy to change their perspective and it shouldn't. You should always open your eyes and hearts to the blessings you have, and live as such so the universe doesn't give you a clip round the ear- or a fly kick and spinning head butt (I've received a few of those from the universe and they're no fun) to wake you up.
It's always a pleasure to write for you, and I'll continue to write whether I have the strength or not. I wish you all the best things for this coming year.
Enjoy yourself whatever you're doing to celebrate- I'm going out with Ama and a couple friends so it should be nice. That's why this post is earlier than usual- my phone got stolen from me so I can't post when I'm out which sucks because I had something special for when it's actually 2016. But I'll just share it tomorrow instead :-)
Take care, stay safe, stay beautiful, stay fabulous and share the love.
I'm here for all of you as always and you're all always in my thoughts and prayers :-)
Thank you for taking the time to read what I have to say and sometimes respond to me or drop me messages it means a lot.
Love always!
Brightest blessings, love and hugs to you and your loved ones!
Have an extra shot and/or glass of champagne for me ;-)
- Dalanda
xoxo
❤️
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